Resisting Instant Gratification and Re-Learning Patience
Photo by Eli DeFaria on Unsplash
We live in a world where instant gratification reigns supreme. The solution to our problems is usually at our fingertips. Technology like the internet and sites like Google allow us to find an answer to our questions immediately. A quick call to our doctor and we can often get an appointment or a prescription that very day. Of course, this doesn’t apply to everything, but I think we can all agree it has an overwhelming application in our day to day lives.
Over time, our brains have been rewired to expect instant pleasure. We get a literal shot of dopamine every time we find that fast solution to our problems. With that, we have begun to lose sight of the value and importance of patience in our lives. Anything that requires patience is often seen as an inconvenience. I’m here to challenge that perspective and encourage you to practice patience in some way every day. Just as our brains create neural pathways that normalize instant gratification (which then lead to those addictive shots of dopamine), they can create neural pathways that re-normalize patience.
When I became a mom, I found that instant gratification didn’t translate well in my new role as a parent. The transition took a lot of time and effort and wasn’t on my own terms, it was all on my daughter’s. There’s a lot to learn, especially when you’re a first-time parent, and it’s not just what you need to learn about taking care of a baby, it’s also about your new identity as a parent.
Here are three ways that you can cultivate more patience in your life.
Recognize Your Attitude/Emotions Towards Challenges
This is that annoying first step, but it’s important. By recognizing how you’re apt to react to challenges, you can identify the areas where you can grow. Reflect on the following questions:
What recent events/situations caused you to become annoyed, irritable, or angry?
What recent events/situations caused you to lose your patience with your child(ren), spouse/significant other, family member, or friend?
How did you react in those moments?
How do you wish you had reacted differently?
Practice Deep Breathing
I’m sure you’ve heard about the benefits of deep breathing for stress, but it’s also a great practice for learning patience. Taking deep, subsequent breaths decreases stress, slows your heart rate, relieves tension, and encourages positive responses to stimuli. When you’re faced with a situation that tests your patience, and you recognize that you’re starting to feel irritable, take several deep breaths. Not only does this help delay a potential negative reaction to that situation, it increases the oxygen in your blood which is also great for your immune system.
Respond, Don’t React
Most of us can be reactionary when it comes to situations that challenge us or don’t give us that dopamine hit. But those reactions can often cause the release of cortisol and therefore more stress, anxiety, or frustration, none of which are good for our health. When you pause then respond, rather than react to that situation, you get to consider the outcome of your reaction, encourage your own self-awareness, and exhibit emotional intelligence. When an obstacle challenges you, take a step back (or a deep breath), consider your possible responses, then respond accordingly. Once you’ve done it a few times, you will start to think about your response to more and more challenges that you face!
Above all, give yourself some grace as you consider the role that instant gratification plays in your life. It may be eye-opening to see how it has impacted our attitudes and behaviors towards any kind of difficulty we face. If we cultivate patience for our everyday lives, we can live a life that feels more fulfilled and we’ll be less inclined to take what we have for granted.
If you’re struggling with patience and grace in your role as a mom, check out my Postpartum Mentoring program, here. You can also find my Postpartum Mentoring program workbook here.
